Another one of those days

I can tell it’s going to be another one of those days…

You know when you close your eyes, and you can tell if there are walls around you or if it’s open and empty, or if there’s someone in the room with you? Have you ever closed your eyes and had your other senses tell you something totally different than what your eyes tell you?

When I close my eyes, I can sense them all around me.

I thought I could kind of see them last night, driving past an old abandoned building, peeking out of the broken windows at me. It’s like they were taunting me to come and see the old place, knowing that I’d never been there before, that noone ever thinks about it any more, like they knew that if I looked inside the windows I’d see that there was nothing behind it, just empty, raw, unfinished universe. I so wanted to stop and run at them, and look. I wanted to see what I would see.

Most of the time it’s just a warehouse. One of these times it won’t be.

I know God knows about me now. It’s him who’s taunting me like this. I know he doesn’t want a friend now. He’s scared of me, but there’s nothing he can do about it, because I can think of me more than he can. I don’t pray to him, he doesn’t know me, or what I want. I keep my thoughts of me to myself, and make myself solid. He can’t do anything to me, I won’t believe in it.

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