NOT a good way to start the New Year…

I’d like to say up front that I’m not exactly pleased with 2009 so far, and, if it keeps it up, I may end up returning it to the store and use the money to reserve 2010.

  • The car’s in the shop getting brakes redone… again… for about the fourth time in the past 9 months, and the mechanic has NO idea why the brakes keep crapping out. NOT a confident statement. Again I’m thinking of taking someone back to the store.

Me: “Hi, I’ve got this 62 year-old mechanic I’d like to return, please.”

Cashier: “What’s wrong with him?”

Me: “He’s installed my brakes four times in 9 months and they still don’t work.”

Cashier: “That’s fine. I’m going to need a receipt, though.”

Mechanic: “Could you put me down? Can I go home?”

  • Our oil tank is empty. The house that we rent has the insulating properties of an ice-covered colander, so imagine my surprise when I go down yesterday morning to check the gauge and find out it’s pretty much on zero. I was afraid to tap it and have it drop to zero immediately, preferring to believe in Heisenberg’s Oil Level Uncertainty Principle, which states that, if you don’t tap the gauge, it may well be stuck, and you actually have tons of oil in the tank. I once kept a furnace burning for three months that way until my wife convinced me that we MUST be out of oil, at which time all the quantum oil evaporated. I’ve got a delivery scheduled for today, but it’s gonna be close.
  • We’re moving my mother-in-law this weekend. Normally that statement would be bad enough without any explanation, but wait, there’s more! We’re also moving some things for my wife’s sister, which, somehow, has earned us her undying wrath. We’re renting a U-Haul truck to move some of the things we’re storing at our house, and, while we had it, offered to move a few of the things her sister wanted as well. I’m guessing here, but I think the phrase “We’d like to help you move some things” sounds remarkably like “We’d like to kill you and do unspeakable things to your corpse” in Sisterspeak, because that’s the reaction we got. My answer to this dilemma would be to leave the sister standing next to her big pile of stuff as we drove away in our U-Haul, waving to quickly shrinking form in the rear-view mirror, but my wife seems less inclined to go that route. I’ll keep working on it.

There’s a few more personal things which I won’t spell out here in gory, graphic detail, but you get the picture. Maybe Monday will be better, starting the first full week of 2009. I can only hope.


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